In The Name Of Love
by Katrina Puffinstuf
Summary: A glimpse into the memory of Severus Snape during his fifth year at Hogwarts. A memory that only he ever knew... Oneshot. Marauders Era.


**a/n: Helloooo! This is a little fic that is slightly out of my usual field of hg/ss. I was feeling kinda canon-nostalgic, and i needed to write something not so happy go lucky for Snapey. This takes place in the Marauders era, around 5th year. And, here's a surprise for you... it's not rated M! Hooray for me not writing illicit scenes! **

**I'm really stuck on Eleven Years, and its really bothersome because i have a ton of OTHER ideas. I have so much written but I don't know how to bridge the gap between the two parts of the story. UGH. Stay tuned for it, and many other shorter stories that I will be writing. There will be a Flight of the Conchords crossover very soon. And a Voldemort one. **

**Now enjoy... it's short! And, as always, review!**

In The Name of Love

"Snivelly Snape!" cried a voice coming from the direction of the Quidditch pitch. Severus did not turn his head; he did not acknowledge the arrogant voice at all. Instead, he focused his attention on the girl that sat in front of him, her nose deep into her Charms textbook, her concentration so intense that she, too, did not react to the boy's jeering taunts. As he gazed upon her, his heart couldn't help but pound a little harder. He wished he could just be a little closer to her... to be able to accidentally brush up against her, maybe, or run his hands through her hair, just once. What he would give to actually admit his feelings to her...

"Snivellus, we can smell you from over here, you great bat!" yelled the voice, which seemed quite a lot nearer now. Still, Snape did not turn, still watching Lily as she studied. This time, however, she reacted–angrily. She slammed her book shut and sat up, pulling a few stray blades of grass from her long hair, saying, "I don't understand him. I don't see what he gets in all of this, in wanting to hate you so much."

"It's obvious," said Snape, chancing a momentary glance right into her eyes. His heart thumped upon seeing them sparkle, even though she was rather pissed off. "He hates me because we are friends. You and me."

"Oh, Sev, that's a little silly," she said with a melodious laugh that fell most pleasantly onto his ears. "Why would he ever care who I'm friends with?"

"Again, obvious," he said, staring into his crossed legs. He gulped, not really sure where this conversation was going. He never was a great conversationalist, but talking to Lily was always the easiest. Yet, he sensed that he was getting himself into uncharted and, possibly dangerous, territory with the girl that he had liked for so long. He was best friends with her, which was more than he had ever expected from a pretty and popular girl like her... he shouldn't be greedy. Then again...

"He fancies you, and, well..." he said quickly, only to trail off into silence.

"Well, what?" asked Lily.

"Well, we are together a lot and... erm... maybe he thinks..."

"Thinks that I like you?" she asked, an amused expression on her face. How could he ever tell what she was thinking when she was half-smiling like that?

Severus's heart dropped into his stomach. If only he had enough courage to actually believe that she could like him... that he had qualities that she would deem worthy. He wished he could have the confidence... He rebutted with, "Well, I never said–"

"Oh! So, he thinks that you like me, then?"

He spluttered nervously, "B-b-but I didn't–"

SMACK! Something hot had streaked across the side of Snape's face, causing him to wince and hold his hand to his burning cheek. "Arggh!" he cried out, his wand already in front of him, ready to aim a jinx over his shoulder at the only person who would have found an absurd reason to cast a jinx at him–Potter. Before he could send a curse flying, he felt a hand on his wand hand, tugging it aside.

"Sev, don't do it," said Lily, pulling his hand away. "He isn't worth it. He is just a jealous, arrogant bully who doesn't deserve an ounce of your magic wasted upon his sorry behalf."

But Severus was not thinking about how James was an arrogant bully nor about his magic measured in ounces; instead, he was aflame upon feeling her hand clutching his. There was a welt on his face that burned profusely, but it was _nothing _compared to the heat that seemed to radiate from her small hands atop his. He lowered his hand to the side, expecting her to pull her hand away at any moment.

And he waited. Her hand did not move from his own. He froze completely, still as a statue. What was he to do? The first thing that came to mind was to take her hand in his, but he was too nervous for it. He could not handle it if she wrenched her hand away, realizing it was still on his. Yet, wouldn't she have done that by now? His head was reeling with thoughts, searching for some idea of how to proceed, his cleverness failing him miserably.

"Severus?" said Lily in a very quiet tone, looking directly into his eyes. He could not move his lips to answer, nor could he seem to make a noise of acknowledgment. He simply stared back at her, his eyes locked onto hers, his heart banging around in his chest like a drum.

She didn't say anything for a moment, and both seemed to be transfixed upon each other. After a bit, she said, "Sometimes I wish I could just reach into your head and take out whatever thought was bothering you. You always seem so bothered by something or other, about James or about your parents, and you don't relax. You can't. I wish I could help you... I _want_ to..."

As he saw her sincerity alight in her features, he knew it was now or never. He gulped, saying, "You do... all the time." He felt his hand acting of its own accord, slipping around hers. He heard her breath hitch ever so slightly, although she never stopped looking into his eyes. Suddenly, he found her leaning towards him, something that he only envisioned every night before he went to bed–she wanted to _kiss _him. He had never kissed a girl before, and the very prospect of it made him terrified and desirous of it at the same time. He leaned in very slowly, and soon they were inches apart. She was closing her eyes... centimeters... her lips were so close to his... millimeters...

The moment that their lips brushed against each other, the Foulsome Foursome jumped out from inside of the tree they had been spying on them in, whistling and catcalling almost lecherously, howling with laughter as the two jumped apart from each other.

"Evans, you've betrayed us all!" screeched Sirius.

"As Prefect, I reckon we ought not let you back into the Tower tonight," said James pompously, his arms folded across his chest. "Not until you scour your lips with dragon's blood."

"Thirteenth use," said Lupin offhandedly, "Slytherin scum remover..."

"Good one, Moony," giggled Peter in his simpering voice. "You're Slytherin scum, Snivellus!"

At this, Severus got up from his spot on the ground, leaving a mortified Lily on the ground, his wand in hand. He strode up to his adversary in a bold move that surprised even himself, hissing, "You take it back. Now."

"No," said James, equally as bold. "You are scum, and you don't deserve Evans. She only pities you because no one else _decent_ likes you. I didn't think she would actually kiss you, though. I thought the girl had standards..."

Now, Lily was on her feet, her eyes raging between embarrassment and anger. She growled, "Severus Snape is twice the person you'll ever be on your best day, Potter. Now, get lost." She nodded to the other three boys, still laughing heartily, "And take your groupies with you."

"Harsh words, Evans," said Sirius in a gruff voice. "Don't get me wrong, James is handsome bloke, but I prefer the ladies." More laughter ensued.

"Yes, and if you two weren't so stupid all of the time, maybe they would prefer _you_," she spat bitterly.

"Yes, and if you weren't so busy locking lips with dirty Slytherins, then maybe you would prefer, you know, normal boys?" said James in a tone so harsh that it physically felt like a slap in the face.

"Fuck off, Potter," said Lily through gritted teeth, seething. "And get the hell away from me."

"Look, Evans," he said mock-consolingly, "we're already not letting you back into Gryffindor for the night. Don't make me hex you now, too, for using that foul mouth. Clearly something you must've picked up from--"

"OBLIVIATE!" yelled Severus suddenly, jets of light streaming forth from his wand, hitting all four of the boys squarely in the chest. Immediately, they dropped to the ground with a thud, almost in unison. Snape finished, muttering, his voice shaking, "When you wake up, you will forget all that you saw. You will forget everything after the curse you hit me with. Everything." He was panting heavily, staring at the four unconscious bodies that he had rendered immobile. Finally, their insipid comments were kept to themselves. Finally.

"Severus, why?!" cried Lily. "Do you know how much trouble you are in if you get caught modifying memories underage!? You aren't supposed to know that til _Seventh year!_ Dumbledore will have your head for this... send you straight out of Hogwarts..."

"I don't care," he said, his voice dripping with rage. "I hate them. I wish they would leave Hogwarts. I wish they would leave, period. Forever. End of story."

Lily looked genuinely concerned, although she did also look genuinely pissed off. "You could get expelled for this, and then what?"

"I don't like how they treated you," he said angrily. "I never have. I wouldn't care if I got expelled, at least they wouldn't tease you and hurt you. You don't deserve it, and... they would never let you live it down. You'd be better off without me here, anyway. I shouldn't have come here, I should have went to Durmstrang or something..."

Her frustration was seeping from her, though he did see that there were tears in her eyes when he glanced over at her. "What would I do without you here?" she said with a surge of pained sadness. "I'd be stuck here alone."

"You have a load of other friends," breathed Severus angrily. "What am I but just one of them?"

"It's not like that," she said, stepping closer to him. "You were the one that told me about magic. You were the one that made me not miss home as much, after that day at Kings Cross, when Tuney called us freaks. You helped me when my tons of other friends ditched me when we snuck into the library. If you didn't know that brilliant Disallusionment spell, I'd have gotten detention for a month, I'm sure."

"What does this have to do with anything?" said Snape in an irritated tone.

Lily looked at him dead on in the face, saying with a certainty that was unwavering, "You are more than a friend, Sev. I..." She trailed off, unable to find the right words to finish her very important sentence. Instead, she threw her arms around him and kissed him hard, right on the mouth.

In that moment, Severus' heart exploded with uncontrollable joy, a certain fulfillment finally coming to fruition in his mind and heart, as well as his body, which was reacting rather agreeably to this kissing business. He waited for a moment, and then drew his arms around her, holding her carefully, taking it all in, remembering exactly how she felt, the feel of her warm body enveloped in his arms, the smell of her skin and hair, the taste of her kiss, the softness of her lips... he wished he could perpetually live in this moment, kissing her, feeling her... knowing that they were safe and fine and together... their embrace flawlessly impenetrable.

In the distance, the bells that indicated six o'clock rang–the Great Hall was now serving dinner. At the jarring noise, they broke apart, and awkwardness ensued rapidly. They stared at each other briefly and then looked at their feet. Was she ashamed of what she did? Did her boldness get the better of her, once again?

Lily sighed audibly. "Erm... I suppose it's time for dinner," she said, slowly, still looking at her feet. "So..."

So. _So? _What was he supposed to say? What did she expect? She just kissed him, something that he never would have had the guts to go through, fearing rejection, fearing anything negative that would tarnish what they had. And yet, she threw herself into his arms, onto his lips, and caused the most honest and sure feeling of love to course through his veins... he wanted to tell her that he cared for her more than she would ever realize. He wanted to tell her that he would forever be by her side if it was what she wanted. He wanted to give her the world... he wished that he could spend eternity holding her body next to his own. He longed for so much more with her, and yet...

He gripped his wand in his robe's pocket, his hand trembling. The wood felt hard and unyielding under his hands, and he knew that he was going to regret what he was about to do the moment he had done it–but it _had _to happen. He couldn't let her endure the hurt that James and his stupid gang would cause her if anyone found out about this. As much as he wanted to have her, he couldn't. Not while they were hounded by Potter, Black, and the others.

"Severus, what are you doing?" Lily asked, eyeing him suspiciously, noting his hand dug deep into his pocket.

He bit his lip, pulled out his wand and said, "Obliviate!" once more, aiming straight at Lily. Her look of surprise and betrayal that flashed across her face the moment the curse hit her tore at him on the inside ruthlessly. Before she could hit the ground, he caught her deftly in his arms, holding her tightly to him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he muttered, trying to hold back his tears. "I'm so, so sorry, Lily..." He kissed her on the forehead, the cheek, and then upon her lips. "I want to be with you, but I can't stand it when they tease you... hurt you... I want you to be happy. So you'll forget all about the kiss. And when you wake up, you'll only remember studying with me. Like we always do... together..."

As he cradled her in his arms, he found that tears were streaming down his face. "I don't want this... I love you. I've always loved you, and I always will, Lily." He kissed her once more and then laid her down on the ground near the other boys. When they woke up, everything would go back to normal. She would never have to experience the hurt that being involved with him would cause. No jeering taunts, no scathing rumors, no broken hearts or shattered dreams.

At least, not for her.


End file.
